Thanks for giving us life, now pardon us as we break all your stuff.

So, after much prodding, I've decided to join the world of mom's who blog about their children. 
For anyone who doesn't know me, I am a sometime mom.

Sometimes i'm at work, thinking I should be home playing with my children.
Sometimes I'm at home playing with my kids thinking I should be at work.
Sometimes I look around defeated, wishing someone would clean my house.
Sometimes I spend hours sitting on the couch, screaming obscenities  at anyone who tries to make eye contact with me.


Mostly, I'm trying very hard to keep track of at least 3 conversations, grab the markers out of one kids hand, grab the hedge clippers out of another child's hand, scrub the nail polish off the wall and clean up the baby puke off my shoes while throwing away the empty mascara which has become just another medium in my graffiti loving children's hands. (I never even got a chance to wear it goddammit!)

All the while skimming over headlines on CNN.com and listening to Hot Topics on The View so I can try my hardest to seem like I have any idea what is going on in the world outside my front door.  (Is it an election year?)


I mean, I know what is going on outside my door.  The dog caught a baby rabbit, the kids tried to save it, it died anyway, they decided to bury it, they broke into the shed to find the shovel, one kid took the shovel and upon realizing how hard it is to dig a deep hole instead decided just to turn over as much healthy grass as possible,  someone pulled out some paint cans and opened them, dumped them all over the patio and painted a chicken green.  Said child then tracked paint into my kitchen while telling me that they'd figured out the most brilliant and scientific way to make green eggs to eat with ham.


Mother of God!!!, I shout from the couch.  That won't make her lay green eggs,  and we are vegetarians, we don't eat ham.  Not even on Christmas.